Fear II & III

I fear:
-- entering situations that were hard to endure the first time.
-- being in the midst of mean people, like the drunken man who laughed in our faces when he told us we could not see our kids after traveling 14 hours to do so. He is the stepfather of my husband's kids.
-- shame-- the feelings that go with it.
-- missing opportunities
-- being an idiot
-- being told I am a whiner (I yaaam naaat, ohhhh!)
-- letting my dogs out during skunk season
-- driving my car from the back seat (I've done it in my dreams and it is very dangerous)
-- letting myself think of sad situations that haven't happened at all (I recommend avoiding this as it is addictive)
-- I know I fear being misunderstood, and it is probably why I blog so much. Of course (just so you understand me) I know you can't control what others think of you anyways, so what is the point? Besides, what makes me think anyone reads my blogs other than the few people I've even told about them? As usual, first born princess with an exaggerated view of her own importance... Of course, we fear being misunderstood since most of us don't want to hurt others and certainly want our image of ourselves to stay intact. Now that is funny.

Fear

Fear is the one thing that I believe can hold a person (and a church and groups of people) back more than anything else. They say the opposite of fear is faith. How can we please God without it? We are actually told in scriptures to not be afraid and to cast our cares on him. This takes practice, but it works-- we get through it and end up closer to the Shepherd.

I think a study on these books would be great:

The Silence of Adam, by Lawrence J. Crabb
Synopsis from Powells.com:
"Larry Crabb challenges men to move beyond their fear of failure that paralyzes them in spiritual matters and relationships to bold risk-taking, action, deep spirituality, and full-hearted living."



Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul, by John Eldredge
Description from Amazon.com:
"God designed men to be dangerous, says John Eldredge. Simply look at the dreams and desires written in the heart of every boy: To be a hero, to be a warrior, to live a life of adventure and risk. Sadly, most men abandon those dreams and desires-aided by a Christianity that feels like nothing more than pressure to be a "nice guy." It is no wonder that many men avoid church, and those who go are often passive and bored to death. In this provocative book, Eldredge gives women a look inside the true heart of a man and gives men permission to be what God designed them to be-dangerous, passionate, alive, and free."

Also, this article (which I SWEAR my pastor wrote under a pseudonym) is fantastic (and long, but worth it):
Kingdom Leadership in the Postmodern Era, by Leonard Hjalmarson
"Our conception of leadership is changing. We need leadership cultures and we need meaning makers."

Thanksgiving and Giving Thanks

On one hand, I am constantly thankful to God, or I would never make it through the day, I would be so down. On the other hand, I would say if I am lousy at anything, it is saying thank you to people in my life, quickly and directly. It has to be one of my most horrendous character defects. This happens mostly because I THINK I am going to say thank you in a most-grand way and plan it out in my head and never do it. I cannot seem to keep it simple. So, since I have come to notice this problem, my mission is to first of all, make all my future thank yous simple and immediate and second, to make amends and thank people I've seemingly forgotten.
The killer for me is, I've never ever forgotten. Each time I use a towel or a measuring cup I know who gave it to me and feel a tinge of guilt. I know exactly where my Cross pen and pencil set from my distant aunt and uncle are, given to me in June of 1976 upon my graduation from high school. They passed on years ago, of course. I especially hate how on my rehearsal dinner I thanked everyone EXCEPT MY PARENTS and feel like an idiot for it.
I hold on to guilt and shame WAY too long and it eats away at me, destroying my potential for relationships now. I build up stuff in my mind so high, I can never get over it.
This has to change, and it has to happen in a not-so-grand way, or I will never do it.

Unemployed, Maybe

Since I have been in church my whole life, I have been asked to do things my whole life, in church. As a young teen, my pastor would collar me when we were Christmas caroling and ask me to offer grace before the hot chocolate. It was
uncomfortable and scary, but I learned so much from being put into training right away after becoming a Christian. We were youth reps in council, taught Sunday School, took an active part in forming the calendar for Youth Group, made
announcements in the morning, etc. I am so glad the adults in my life had enough confidence in God's working that they would ask me to get involved. I am not sure as many adults "get" that young people are just as fully Christian and just as fully capable, since God is the Supplier to either age group.

I still expect this responsibility stuff as an adult. As an adult, I taught 3rd Grade & Sr. High Sunday School, have been a church camp counselor, served on church board and Pastor Parish Relations, sung in choirs, served in nursing homes, served in the inner-city as camp counselor and street missions helper, been on missions, nominations, woman’s committees, etc.

I have gifts. I want to use them.

Bad Sign

We used to have signing for the hearing impaired, but I don't think it was ever in the paper to get the word out. Now we have no such ministry. Too bad.

Prayer meetings

We have a rep for being a praying church. I still don't attend the prayer meetings much (twice?) but it is my goal to be there all the time. How about for Lent?

Inclusion

I feel that poor communication in a church is a way of keeping cliques in place. By not using all the standard routes of communication, you are sending a message that it is an "insiders" church, to those already attending. To the new folks, you are really keeping them as visitors and they will likely not feel welcomed. We hurt ourselves when we keep opportunities for service and fellowship a secret.

Expectations

... are resentments in advance.
Bitterness is unrequited revenge.

How You Say?

How do you say what you feel about what is going on in your church without being seen as critical?
To answer myself, I would say you say it with prayer and in love. At the same time, if you have been doing that, and still are seen that way, I think you have to just accept that some people will just see you that way. If the Spirit leads you to share this then you should share it. And, not with everyone-- just the persons involved. What do YOU think?

Devotionals

I am frustrated with my denomination's massive website, especially as an organizer and designer. There is no consistent look and the overlapping categories are endless. All I wanna do is find a Lenten devotional within my church, out of respect. Their search button goes to every meaningless page with that word on it, so I didn't find one. I did, however, find something that will do the trick, a beautiful site, called Journey To The Cross.